This is a small canvas that I painted yesterday. I want to paint it on the front of the dresser. And, I’m also afraid to. See, here’s what can happen. When you put your brush to a surface. Doubt creeps in, comparison creeps in, “what if nobody likes it” creeps in, “What if it’s not good enough” creeps in. We all struggle with those insecurities… especially, if you are a creative. I’m here to tell you, that what you do is beautiful, no matter the result. Each stroke, each brush mark, each bit of paint, is the step toward learning more about yourself.
An interesting thing has been happening to me lately. I have been exploring new techniques and revisiting some stuff I used to do in high school and college…. when I didn’t have the wisdom of my later years. It was challenging for me to be an art major. It felt restricting, but the perfectionist in me didn’t want to explore beyond the technical aspects. I was very conflicted. But I also think it reflected where I was at in my life. A little confused, a lot conflicted and rather immature. After I switched majors, I didn’t do a sketch or pick up a paint brush for many, many years.
This past year, I decided to take a watercolor class. Just for me. It’s something I had put aside back in my college days because I wasn’t good at it. What I didn’t know then was that every brush stroke was a learning thing… it didn’t have to be perfect. Under the teaching of Lexi Grenzer, I overcame a barrier. I took a class and then another. And I allowed myself to just relax and learn . And I loved it.
And then I decided to try some painting… expressionist, impressionist, abstract painting. And much to my surprise, I enjoyed exploring this style, and not confining myself to any expectations of results.
Of course, I’m still learning. Not learning how to be a painter, but I’m learning how to be me.
I would encourage you to try something new. You don’t even have to show anyone. Just allow yourself the freedom to create something from your heart.